Anger Management is the cinematic equivalent of Tintin, and we are the chimps. Wearing the desiccated, rotting skin of the American Comedy, the film has all the moves down. A young couple whose romantic attachment is unproven, but we take it on faith and because she is hott. A misunderstanding occurs that unbalances the status quo, but we know that we will all leave improved by the dénouement, and they will get married.
Such a film is anger management. There are no surprises or twists. Sitting through such a predictable journey would be tedious at best if it were not for the laughs and the delicate character moments. This is the part of the convention Anger Management chooses to challenge. Boldly, this movie decides to not be funny, gives no relatable side characters, or indeed any characters that remain on screen for more than two minutes, and in general stridently steers the course of not being entertaining at all. The effect is like being in a train crash on a glass train. You can see the disaster coming, but not only can you not look away, you know that running for the exit will only make the disaster follow you. As the cars ahead dissolve into shards and blood, you know your turn will come. And yet you sit, watching, as the next horrible thing to happen to the protagonist churns closer.
In all honestly I don’t really think those responsible for this film did this on purpose. There are too many moments where they try to tell jokes. The jokes just aren’t funny, and they are too widely spaced to build momentum. Which is funny, because everything else about this film is fine. Great even. The acting, as I said, is at times brilliant. The script, apart from its complete lack of comedy and painful derivativenss, is a perfectly fine comedy script. The plot moves quickly, at a good pace, things are given proper time to develop, dialogue is given time to breathe without getting overly weighty…and then there are just no jokes. It’s not even like the situation is funny because its too real. We all feel at times like the entire world is a big conspiracy to make us suffer. Well in this case it is, but its for our protagonists own good. Whoop de fuckin do. Hilarious. Hand me my fucking tissues, I need to wipe the tears because of my laughter. Oh wait no, I just need you to get close so I can fucking strangle something.
The film manages to avoid being boring by being painful. The soundtrack sucks. The great acting only serves to draw you in to the bullshit being heaped upon the protagonist for no payoff. Same with the script, cinematography, lighting, sets. Uh. Makeup. Fuck this film and everyone associated with it.
Our universe is filled with amazing things. Things like stars. just because there are a near infinite number of them dosen't mean we have to waste them on a crap fest like this. I will give this film a brown dwarf, which is like half a star. And that's only because of the acting. And because fuck brown dwarfs. Useless interstellar douchebags. Using up all our hydrogen and not even producing warmth for gods sakes.
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Uh...wow. Yeah, the last time I watched this movie was on Thanksgiving Day 2008, while working at a pharmacy with only the pharmacist on duty and my laptop to entertain me (with no wifi). We paused the movie whenever a customer would come in or the phone would ring, which happened to be just frequently enough to help(?) with the pacing problem this movie has. And oh, dear GOD I totally forgot that this entire movie was just one long, dragged-out attempt to push the protagonist into getting angry and acting on it. It's uncomfortable, absolutely, and the Mr. only got up once and left the room screaming OH MY GOD...bless his heart.
As a lady-type, I gotta say [SPOILER ALERT] that the explanation of the set-up given at the end is awful. It just feeds into the idea that many men have that women are just trying to trap them into proposing or whatever (or forcing them to re-enact a traumatic event from their childhood in front of ALL OF YANKEE STADIUM). Also? Screaming "porker" at Heather Graham?? I get the joke, yeah, but it's stupid. Sure, the movie is about a guy who has commitment, PDA and DEFINITE anger issues. But the sad, few and far between jokes could have been made without being at the expense of the female characters (of which there are 5 - the girlfriend, the actress, two porn actresses, and a middle-aged lady with one line who recognizes the porn actresses).
Actually the lady recognizing the porn actresses is one of the two jokes in the movie I actually found really funny. The other was Jack Nicholson's crazy-eyed smiling and nodding across the bar at Adam Sandler hitting on Heather Graham (a brilliant sight-gag that I should probably track a .gif down for and put here).
How terrifyingly hilarious is that??! You love it.
Anyway, that all said...I have no need to watch this movie again. Or, more fairly...I have no need to keep this DVD taking up space in our lives when it could be solidifying the idea to some other 20- or 30-something guy that all women will hatch maniacally elaborate plans to rope them into marriage. I, luckily, don't have to convince the Mr. that I'm not trying to do that BECAUSE MY PLAN ALREADY WORKED, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ahem. I mean...no it didn't.
Shut up.
Rating: 2/5. One star for each actual funny joke. Any takers?
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